Food! Glorious Food!

Dec 16

While I was idling the odd half hour away in the doctor’s waiting room this morning, I came up with a great idea for a way to improve customer service. This may take a little explaining, so stay with me and bear in mind, this is still an “alpha” idea and in need of some fine tuning.

It also borrows a little from the Bible, so it should receive instant religious approval (score!).

So, without further ado, here’s the idea – by the way, by reading this constitutes signing my ultra-special NDA – just in case you were wondering…

I’m going to open a restaurant… (wait for it)… where your job of work dictates the kind of service you receive!

Just think, the honest hard-working people of Britain will be able to sit down and nosh away to their heart’s content, but for those who run poor quality, tardy services, things might not go so well.

On arrival, every patron will be asked to produce proof of what they do, failure to produce said proof means no entry, no matter how rich you are.

On submission of said proof, the Maitre D’ will consult a specially prepared list before proffering one of the following explanations:

Bankers – I’m sorry Sir, but we’ll have to consult your previous eating record before we can offer you a table, and even then you’ll have us to give 5% of your meal back by way of interest.

Railway Executives – Your meal has been cancelled so you’ll have to wait 45 minutes then we can offer you a lasagne replacement service

Postal Workers – We’ll try to deliver your meal but if you’re not at your table we’ll take it away and you can pick it up from the kitchen in a couple of hours. By the way, you weren’t in when we called.

Traffic Wardens - Find your own table, but if we catch you sitting at an unauthorised table or eating for too long, we’ll have to tow you away to the car park and hold you until you pay a fine.

Police Officers – We’re sorry to hear your meal hasn’t arrived, if you’d like to fill out this form we’ll send a chef round to your table in a couple of weeks .

Teachers – Please make your way to a table, we’ll feed you in a week or so a we’re very tired and are currently on holiday

Tax Officials – Get out you poisonous, scheming, thieving, conniving scum. Oh, and by the way, you owe us three meals for the previous unpaid bills we just made up for you..

Should work a treat I reckon…

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