April 2004 Archives

What a lousy weekend ... The house we're supposed to be buying is owned by a pair of troglodytes that won't leave (can you believe it's going to have taken SIX MONTHS to purchase by the time it's over ?) and to cap it all, the people that fitted my car alarm screwed the car and Ford reckon it'll cost between £150 and £7000 (yup seven THOUSAND) to put it right.

Thank God then for Tronguy - one of the few bright moments in the last few days. I must have stumbled across this guy through Slashdot or Fark where he has become something of a minor Internet celeb, but possibly not for all the right reasons ...

Briefly:
* Making a realistic Tron costume: GOOD
* Making a realistic Tron costume when you're a touch overweight : NOT GOOD
* Making a realistic Tron costume that's skin-tight when you're a touch overweight: HILARIOUS
* Doing all of the above whilst looking like Milton from Office Space: MAGNIFICENT

And if all that wasn't enough, I have two words for you: camel toe.

Tronguy, we salute you ... probably ...

An interesting (if revolting) story passed across my browser today about a bloke in California who was found slumped over a dead body in a funeral home with his trousers round his ankles.

Apparently there are no laws against necrophilia in CA so he's been charged with minor offences.

What's really funny, if you be funny about necrophilia, is the following statement from the Assistant District Attorney, Mr Adrian Ivancevich who said:

"Trust me, we looked all over the penal codes. We looked everywhere. There is no charge for having sex with a corpse," Ivancevich said. "This is just one of those gaps that the legislature has not dealt with."

Not only a truly stunning string of double entendres but it also raises the point that "There is no charge for having sex with a corpse". Hoorah!! Free dead sex for everyone on America's West Coast! I knew they were a liberated bunch but sometimes you can go too far ...

<rant mode>

Another day, another round of moral outrage caused by the American press. Apparently it's perfectly fine for camera footage of a dying ex-member of the British Royal Family to be broadcast at primetime across the nation but as soon as Janet Jackson pops a boob out during the half-time show at the Superbowl our US cousins are screaming about poor taste and TV comapnies are running for cover like startled rabbits.

Odd really, I suppose it paves the way for a new round of reality TV shows and therefore look forward to such broadcast masterpieces as "Celebrity Autopsy", "Colons of the Rich and Famous" and "Ass lift for two".

The other thing that strikes me about the whole affair is the hypocrisy of the British public. Reading the BBC website today reveals a slew of complaints from BBC viewers all whining about invasion of privacy and how the press shouldnlt be allowed to intrude in people's private lives.

I have a question for those people - ever read one of those tragically dull weekly magazines which are full of "showbiz goss" and pictures of Helena Bonham-Carter doing the shopping at Sainsburys? You have ??!! Congratulations! You are supporting the very thing you spend so much time complaining about so either save your money or shut the fuck up.

</rant mode&gt.

Odd random thought of the day: Is it just me, or does Jack Valenti of the RIAA look more like a ventriloquists' dummy with every day that passes ?

In other news:
Huzzah! I finally managed to get a NEW CAR. After driving around in my battered old Rover for far too many years to mention I have at last succumbed to the delights of "new car smell" and power steering. It's not all plain sailing however. One thing I have realised is that the automotive industry seems to have moved on quite a long way since the Russell family last purchased a new motor (Elly's Mitsubishi Galant four years ago). My new Ford Focus C-Max has the most bewildering array of controls I've ever seen.

Granted I have managed to drive it around but quite what all the stalks, dials, controls, levers and other pushy bits do is still something of a mystery. Last night (for instance) we were out on a photographic job. Apparently my new motor has automatic rain and light sensors so the wipers and lights flick on without any driver assistance which is great, but when frotn and rear wipers start hammering away for all they are worth it would be really, REALLY nice if I could work out how to switch them off. I did manage to kill the front wipers but the rear ones just kept swishing away despite my best efforts to stop the buggers from operating. Time to read the manual I guess!

Still, it is a nice car and it does have a built-in MP3 player and a sound system which can be cranked up so loud I think I may have permanently damaged the hearing on my right side - cooool :)

Also, in an effort to strike a blow for car owners everywhere who can't stand pulling up the lights only to have to hear some tosser's ultra-loud, utterly crap rap tunes blaring out from a fifth-hand C-reg BMW with boy racer skirts, my car is strictly rock and metal only (and also loud only...)

Crussell's singalong tune of choice for new car owners: "Disco's Out, Murder's In" by Suicidal Tendencies.

A week is a long time in blogging without a suitable update so here's a short (yet oddly sweet) entry.

To celebrate the Easter Weekend check out this superb link --> Subservient Chicken.

Top suggestions for ordering the chicken about are: go away, hide and moonwalk !!!!!