September 2004 Archives

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Here's something that'll make you laugh ...

The BBC website carried a story today in which it was claimed that businesses were steering clear of Slough because the show "The Office" had made a laughing stock of the place and it was now considered unfashionable to be there.

In the fight against those who insisted on mocking the place, Rafiq Chohan of the council said: "I simply do not recognise these press reports as being about Slough.

"It is no accident that world class businesses choose to locate their European and even global headquarters in the town."

Indeed, it certainly is no accident that big business want to locate there, but the reason is very simple - it's dirt cheap because no-one wants to go there.

Speaking as someone who worked there for five years I can safely say that Slough is an anagram of "complete and utter shithole". It is a huge boil on the arse of Britain which resists all attempts to lance it.

As an avid people watcher I have noticed many things during my time there - here's some key points.

* Primordial slime has a higher IQ than 99% of the people you see on Slough High Street at lunchtime.

* The pound shop is the most popular store in the area - due mainly to the fact that no-one thought it necessary to count past .. one (pound)

* If anyone shouts out the names Kylie or Jason in the Observatory shopping centre, at least 75% of those present will look up to see if you're talking about them.

* Slough residents stand out from the crowd as they still believe Kappa tracksuits with side-opening poppers are the height of modern fashion.

Ask me if I miss Slough now that I don't have to travel there every day, go on, I dare you ...

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It's currently 4am and I can't sleep so here's a list of things I've learned about staying up most of the night.

1. Early morning TV is even worse then lunchtime TV
2. Informercials will get the better of me one day
3. The AbMaster 500000 looks bloody dangerous
4. Our milkman does his rounds at 2.30am
5. The birds start singing at EXACTLY 4.11am
6. The slightest noise means there are burglars in the house
7. According to the note on the toilet I use one gallon of water for every flush
8. It's not possible to make coffee quietly
9. My cat snores and it sounds like a poltergeist is haunting the room
10. The internet operates at the same speed 24 hours a day (donlt you people EVER sleep ??)

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