April 2005 Archives

Following on from the disiater that still is the Iraq war, Chancellor Gordon Brown has told a British newspaper that MPs should be allowed to decide if the country ever goes to war - Royal assent would no longer be needed.

Excellent news! Not only would the tosser Blair be able to generate massive amounts of publicity by helpfully murdering British servicemena and women on the flimsiest of evidence in order to get himself into the history books but now he can do it almost unopposed. This kind of blindly stupid move is exactly what we need to take a country that's going to the dogs and make it even worse.

It's a positive boon for the Labour government, who can now send as many Brits as they like off to be killed, safe in the knowledge that it'll make room for all the immigrants we allow into the country, without modifying the population figures. It's political gold I tells ya!

All the more exciting in the wake of the release of the Attorney General's legal advice issued in the run up to the Iraq Debacle. On March 7 the AG told Blair to wait for a second UN resolution as it was the safest way to go. Ten days later his final advice was sent out but contained no mention of the legality of starting a war - odd that isn't it ?

So remember ladies and gents: vote Labour, and really fuck yourselves over ...

I have to hand it to my brother Steve. I don't hear from him all that often but when I do it's usually worthwhile. He IM'd me this afternoon with quite possibly the funniest site on the net in ages. It's totally un-PC, utterly offensive and completely funny.

It's also here. However with a title like C*nt's Corner I'm not sure it's the kind of stuff anyone should see. If only they didnlt speak the truth about so many things *grin*

It's coming around to that time again, yes folks, there's a whiff of election in the air!

For the last few weeks the country has been pulled to the brink of interest at the thought of a new government to lead this sceptred isle through the next few years.

For the foreigners and knuckle-draggers out there, here's a quick rundown on the main parties:

* Labour Party: The party of the "people", though who the "people" are is anybody's guess - they certainly haven't done anything for this "people" int eh last ten years apart from rip me off and piss me off. Currently led by the disgusting liar Blair, backed up by Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott (that's him in the image punching a British voter) and backed up by a variety of whining half-baked politicians who no-one can remember the name of. Labour represent the "working class".

Important things to know about the party we "know and love"

* They started a war we didn't want * Their leader is a total wanker * The deputy Prime Minister can hit people whenever he wants and get away with it (see picture) * The Prime Minister managed to walk away from a scandal involving property purchases and an Aussie Con Man * They acknowledge issues like immigration are a problem and need to be addressed but don't explain why they've done sod all about it during the last 10 years * They only raise "serious issues" during an election campaign * If they win, Britain is totally fucked 

* Conservative Party: The right-wing of British politics. Led by a bloke that not many people seem to like and who was portrayed in Labour Party advertisements as a pig (unfortunate when you're Jewish). The Tories (as they are known) are the champions of the Middle Class (ie the ones who work hardest and get ass-raped for tax more than the Upper Class and the Working Class).

* Liberal Democrats: The smiley, mid-ground of British politics. Their favourite colour is yellow and they're quite happy. That's about all that's known about them other than the fact they always come third.

So there you go - everything you need to know about British politics - vote wisely now! 

I've just been idly clicking through the BBC website and found this story about the London bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games. It seems our Great and Glorious Leaders were preparing to piss away 15 milion pounds in "incentives" if athletes were prepared to come to Britain for the games - including free return flights for all participants and 26,000 pounds for countries to set up training camps.

What is this all about ???

Quite honestly I don't see why the British taxpayers should bear the brunt of the huge bill for inviting a load of sweaty athletes over here for a few days of running and jumping. Is it really going to raise the country's profile that much? Will millions of foreigners think "I saw a bloke jogging quite quickly on the TV last week - think I'll catch a flight to the UK" ?  I think not!

Besides, most of the African nations have runners so bloody thin they'll spend their entire visit in the cake shop, The Albanians will all have their underwear stuffed full of cocaine and Turkmenistani's will start their own sport of queuing outside immigration offices pleading forasylum (xenophobia it's tricky to spell but looks good onscreen :)

If the British Government wants to spend millions of pounds why not plough it into the Health Service, roads or the BBC - at least this way the people of the country can benefit from it - but then it's not Mr Tony Bleargh's style to actually consider the local population - where's the publicity in that ?

I have to say, I'm impressed. Being a geek at heart I've tried many times to install Linux on (at least) one of my home machines - usually with limited success. I've always stuck with SuSE through various incarnations from 6.x upwards but always decided that, while it was pretty good, it didn't do exactly what I needed, exactly how I wanted it.

Recently, I came across a requirement to have a working Fedora Core 3 box in my home office for testing (with MySQL, PHP & Apache on it) and have to say that never having been too impressed with Red Hat before I was a little underwhelmed at the thought of trying to bung it on my helpless server. Anyways, to cut a long story short, I now have a fully-functioning FC3 server with all the bits on and a "replacement desktop candidate" running under a demo version of VMWare and everything is working really well - way better then my attempts to install SuSE 9.2 in fact.

So, I reckon a month or two of testing and some sample installs here and there and I may even go the whole hog and try to replace my existing Win XP Pro setup with Linux full-time. Sadly, my laptop will have to stay Windows whatever happens due to custom hardware that's built into it, but it would be really nice to able to shake off the shackles of bloody Microsoft and save untold hundreds of pounds in forced upgrades to LongHorn (ooer missus sounds a bit rude) or whatever other pointless tech M$ will try to fob us off with next.

Here endeth the lesson for today.

Not that I'm usually interested by these things but it seems those funny-looking blokes in red have appointed a new boss - and it's a face we all know!!!!!

Apparently Pope Benedict XVI (and I was hoping for something so much more hilarious) wishes to carry on in the same vein as JP II which is good news if you're a God-fearing cretin and lousy news if you're a queer, a woman wishing to be a priest or a rape victim who gets pregnant - no word on bumming choir boys during Mass then ...

Our accountant just called - hoorah! it seems the Inland Revenue (IRS if you're American) want us to pay 7,500 quid NOW. Not next week, not in stages over the next couple of days - RIGHT NOW.

At the start of the year they told us we could hang onto the money until July, but they've changed their minds (apparently SOMEONE got something wrong somewhere) and now they want the cash right away - oh, and incidentally they've charged us 100 quid in interest for late payment, even though it was them that made the mistake.

If you read this and you work form the UK tax office, please be dying a slow, painful death. Better still, email me your home address so I can come round and pee through your letterbox before smearing the word "THIEF" in excrement on your front door.

What sort of sick, perverted individual wants to work for the tax office anyhow? Is it a childhood dream?? "One day mummy I want to grow up and screw people for money ..." - it's like prostitution without the honour really.

Or maybe tax officials are victims of circumstance, and secretly harbour sadistic desires which they have tried to repress since early childhood when they killed their pet hamsters and boiled them till the flesh came off their bones (a bit like Dahmer only worse ...)

Either way, anyone who is, was or intends to work for HM Government as a tax inspector should suffer permanent explosive diarrhoea until they shit themselves inside out - it's only fair really if you think about it.

(I was going to say I hope they waste the bloody money on something useless, but then I just caught the end of a Labour Party political broadcast and realised it's already too late - they obviously spent it on buns for that repulsive excuse for a human being Prescott).

THIS JUST IN: According to our accountant if the tax filth owe YOU money they pay interest at 2.5%, if you owe THEM money it's charged at 6.5%. In addition to diarrhoea, may all of their children be ginger ...

Someone got the Rizlas wet again ...

Anyways, it seems the first round of voting in Pope Idol failed to return a clear winner so all those funny little chaps in red dresses are going to have to stay where they are for at least another 24 hours and get Dominos to deliver a 12 inch Meat Feast and a side order of garlic bread and small boys (there's a special on the small boys as their regular customer is currently contempting a future career as a smooth criminal - allegedly).

As I was saying, I wasn't going to mention PopeStars until I saw this rather excellent screengrab from an old episode of Monty Python and quite frankly, it made me chuckle, then it made me wonder exactly how voting was going, then I got hungry and made a cheese sandwich.

Personally I'm hoping Cardinal Sin will make it to the hot seat and then choose a real groovy name like St Hilarius (it's real!!!) or one of the many Pope Blessed Urban's which they've had over the years. If it was me, I'd choose my own name, like Pope Cletus I or His Holiness Pope Artichoke-HogsNipple IV - imagine the hilarity ...

Leave it to Hilary Clinton to miss the nail and and, instead, bash her thumb with the hammer ...

"Children are playing a game that encourages them to have sex with prostitutes then murder them.. This is a silent epidemic of media desensitisation that teaches kids it's OK to diss people because they are a woman, they're a different color or they're from a different place."

Nice.

(I'm assuming she's talking about the Grand Theft Auto series here but if anyone wants to correct me please feel free.)

And so to the point. The global market for videogames is growing every year BUT it's nowhere near the global market for music. The current "next big thing" in the music world is rap, gangsta rap, etc which reaches a much biggger audience then Grand Theft Auto does. So my question is, why is the lovely Hilary not attacking the content of rap music with it's overtones of bigotry, drug dealing, pimping and gun use?

Examples - how about 50 cents P.I.M.P.:

I ain't that nigga trying to holla cause I want some head I'm that nigga trying to holla cause I want some bread I could care less how she perform when she in the bed Bitch hit that track, catch a date, and come and pay the kid Look baby this is simple, you can't see You fucking with me, you fucking with a P-I-M-P

And Dr Dre's 187um

 I got the gauge, a uzi and the mothafuckin 22 So if you wanna blast, nigga we can buck 'em If we stick 'em then we stuck 'em so fuck 'em!"

All prefectly respectable according to Hilary who obviously never watches MTV, misses all reports of gang violence in the press and lives in some special dream world of her own making. I'm not going to say that videogames don't influence kids in any way (they obviously do) but music (and video) has a much greater reach when it comes to audience size. Only last week four seperate releases from 50 cent made the US Top Ten - apparently some kind of record, but who's tackling the problems caused by rap music? No one! So until some pillock in power makes the connection between rap and violence, videogames continue to take the rap (so to speak).

Looks like the music industry has so much more cash influence over politicians then the games firms do. Not that I would ever suggest politics is corrupt in any way - nor would I suggest that when it comes to influencing people it's OK for the most powerful man in the world to get a blowjob from an intern, lie about it and get away with it. Now that would never  happen, would it Hilary love ?

I've just been flipping through the BBC's website, when I came across this story about alleged "artist" Mark McGowan who freely admits he vandalised nearly 50 cars as part of a so-called art project.

Apparently McGowan (37) intends to exhibit pictures of himself scratching the vehicle's paintwork after getting the idea when someone damaged a relative's car.

Said McGown: "There is a strong creative element in the keying of a car, it's an emotive engagement.  (The owner's of the damaged cars) should feel glad that they've been involved in the creative process. I pick the cars randomly."

Previously, the sad waste of everyone's time and money nailed his feet to an art gallery in protest against leaves and has described himself as the "British alternative to David Blaine" - who is also dull, boring and a pretentious arse.

So that's the best he can do is it? He causes hundreds if not thousands of pounds of damage and tells the car owners they should feel glad to have been involved. I wonder if he'd agree to take part ina new project I myself have planned. It's called "Is it possible to kick a halfwit's balls up through his throat" and it opens as soon as I can get hold of this pillock.

Hopefully, this posting will have a photo of McGown attached so that you the general public can join me in my testicle-kicking work of performance art. Feel free to send the link to this page to your mates, colleagues, grannie etc and let's see who can be the first to kick his nuts clean out of his mouth!! Some might say this constitutes the threat of assault, but you know what? If you can get away with causing thousands in damage to a large number of motors, who's going to care about a couple of tiny little tezzies - besides we might strike lucky and sterilise him, saving future generations from having to suffer his pointless crap...

Never let it be said I don't like to support the arts!

... but I'm back and there's a load of things I need to get off my chest so expect a number of postings over the next couple of days.

Before I start though, there's an election coming up in the UK, which will probably come as a complete surprise to the vast majority of the country's knuckle-draggers. Anyways I just wanted to say that if you're even thinking of voting for that lying, conniving, self-promoting, double dealing warmongering scumbag Blair then please feel free to bugger off now. In my book anyone who votes for that twat and his half-baked gang of crooks, thieves, misfits and law breakers should be rounded up in a field and shot, then their remains should be taken away and crushed to a pulp in huge machines, after this, gangs of wandering linedancers should be allowed to dance over them before the residue is unceremoneously flushed down a huge lavatory built on the wasteland of the Millenium Dome.

(btw, I won't be voting Labour in case you hadn't guessed ...)

Oh dear ... I've just looked back through my last few postings on here and realised how horribly negative they are. I've spent the last few minutes thinking about it and I think it's because I hate EVERYBODY.

Politicians, entertainers, religious nutters and do-gooders - they only exist to make real people sick. Whether it's Michael Jackson, That towel-headed scum Hamza or our own lying, degenerate Blair there's not one of them I could stomach for more than 30 seconds.

Oh btw, in case you didn't know there's an election coming up in Britain, so be warned, if you even think about voting for Blair and that sackload of lying, cheating sub-humans which he hilariously calls a political party you barred from this site. For ever. No exceptions.

Nope, it's no good ... I just can't resist it...

I've been reading the BBC's coverage of the dead Pope and had to smirk at the fact that there are a number of books of condolence on the go for JP 2. It just makes me wonder two things; What do people write and who is it aimed at?

If it's for the Cardinals etc are you expected to write Dear Cardinal <insert suitable name here>, hope you get the job, love <insert own name here>. Alternatively if it's for the Pope himself is it good form to write: Dear Pope, Sorry you are still dead, love <insert tear-stained name here>.

It's also heartening to see that everyone's favourite legal terrorist Gerry Adams couldn't wait to muscle in on the act for a bit of free publicity. For a man who helpe murder so many British citizens over the last 30 years he really is pious isn't he? I'll be signing his book of condolence in urine when he finally does the world a favour ...

Am I the only one round these parts who wishes the Pope would get a move and die so we can get back to normal and stop having to hear what a "great man" he was? There are loads of other religious fanatics kicking about, some of whom are probably on their last legs as I write this but there's no-one telling the world how great they were.

(Just in case you'd failed to notice I am neither particularly religious or faintly Catholic, I'm also peeved as I really should have had him in the Dead Pool ...)