Our accountant just called - hoorah! it seems the Inland Revenue (IRS if you're American) want us to pay 7,500 quid NOW. Not next week, not in stages over the next couple of days - RIGHT NOW.
At the start of the year they told us we could hang onto the money until July, but they've changed their minds (apparently SOMEONE got something wrong somewhere) and now they want the cash right away - oh, and incidentally they've charged us 100 quid in interest for late payment, even though it was them that made the mistake.
If you read this and you work form the UK tax office, please be dying a slow, painful death. Better still, email me your home address so I can come round and pee through your letterbox before smearing the word "THIEF" in excrement on your front door.
What sort of sick, perverted individual wants to work for the tax office anyhow? Is it a childhood dream?? "One day mummy I want to grow up and screw people for money ..." - it's like prostitution without the honour really.
Or maybe tax officials are victims of circumstance, and secretly harbour sadistic desires which they have tried to repress since early childhood when they killed their pet hamsters and boiled them till the flesh came off their bones (a bit like Dahmer only worse ...)
Either way, anyone who is, was or intends to work for HM Government as a tax inspector should suffer permanent explosive diarrhoea until they shit themselves inside out - it's only fair really if you think about it.
(I was going to say I hope they waste the bloody money on something useless, but then I just caught the end of a Labour Party political broadcast and realised it's already too late - they obviously spent it on buns for that repulsive excuse for a human being Prescott).
THIS JUST IN: According to our accountant if the tax filth owe YOU money they pay interest at 2.5%, if you owe THEM money it's charged at 6.5%. In addition to diarrhoea, may all of their children be ginger ...
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