I know we're all God's creatures and that local religious leaders are there to help us, but I think Pastor Jack may have gone too far ... especially when there's a small boy on it's back ....
Anyone know the number of Michael Jackson's defence attorney ??
I didn't mean to kill him ...
From the Salt Lake Tribune ...
James Carroll Bayley, 44, pleaded guilty in May to killing his brother, Robert, in an incident in Raleigh, N.C., in which James alleged that Robert had come by, drunk, to retrieve his power drill that James had borrowed. James told the judge that he certainly didn't mean to kill Robert, but had grabbed his gun for protection, then ''shot him in the right leg to knock him down.'' ''Then,'' said James, ''after a short time, I shot him in the head to make him dizzy so he would fall.''
Makes perfect sense I'm sure you will agree and possibly good training for all future law enforcement officers:
"Shooting a suspect in the head will make them dizzy and fall over.."
Today's Word of the Day: Asshat.
Hallelujah Brothers and Sisters!!! It is truly a miracle!!
You see, JESUS HAS APPEARED TO ME!!!!!
The picture on the left tells the story. My wife woke up this morning and noticed His face on a pillow by the side of our bed. As a devout athiest I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to see the Lord appear before me and I took a picture so that fellow believers could also bask in His glory. Then I turned to religion to save my heathen soul.
Word spread fast. Within minutes the room had been turned into a shrine. The postman, the gasman and several people who just happened to be passing crowded around and fell to their knees in front of His almighty image.
Within hours our home had been beseiged by the faithful. Women were crying, grown men begged forgiveness, even the garden squirrel prayed for mercy after emptying the bird feeder again without permission. Things got so hectic I was forced to sell tickets at $10 a throw to see the PillowFace Of The Lord(tm) in all it's glory...
Of course, the naysayers said it looked nothing like Our Saviour. We had them stoned to death in the back garden in the name of The Father before revealing unto the world the truth - Our Lord comes in many forms and in this form he's wearing a big-nose mask... DIE UNBELIEVER !!!
But the miracles didn't stop there - the cat underwent a virgin birth on the living room floor, revealing Our Lord in his alternate kitten form, a mould formed on some old yoghurt indicating we should travel to the Promised SuperMarket for redemption (and more dairy-based products) and the world stopped revolving around Michael Jackson for five minutes...
It's only fair, of course, to share this miracle with the world. Contact me today and I'll send you a limited edition A4 print of the PillowFace Of the Lord(tm) for only $99 (+tax and shipping). It's a small price to pay for peace of mind and wallet ...
(Stay tuned for more breaking news at it happens. Apparently there's a bloke around the corner who has a birth mark on his penis shaped like the Koran - that should bring the faiths together ..)
Praise the Laaaaarrrddd ...
[additional note to the post below]
Today is June 6, the anniversary of D-Day, the day the Aliies took the fight back against the Nazis and the beginning of the end of World War II.
Stuff Bob Geldof, some of the real heroes of June 6 are alive and well and probably living or working very close to you. The men and women who lived through the Second World War deserve every last scrap of respect we can give them.
If you don't know what D-Day was all about, shame on you.
Congratulations Bob Geldof for finally standing up and proving to the entire world once an dfor all that's he's a utter buffoon.
It seems the foul-mouthed, badly dressed, glory-hunting Irishman has finally lost the plot (though naming your child Fifi Trixabel should have been an early clue) after suggesting that English protestors against the G8 Summit in Scotland should get in boats and cross the English Channel to pick up French comrades for a huge march against wealth to be held in Scotland in early July.
By all accounts he told BBC news: "... he wanted Sail 8 to recreate Dunkirk as part of a "continental adventure", and urged people to sail across the channel to pick up their "French cousins", so they could join in the demonstrations."
RECREATE DUNKIRK ????
So, here's the plan Bob. We'll dress a load of Germans up in Nazi uniforms, ship a contingent of Brits over to sid huddled on beaches while said Germans drop thousands and thousands of pounds of ammunition on them, lose most of the Brits and motor on home with the survivors ready to take the Hun on on another day.
What a fucking cretin.
Dunkirk was a wartime rescue operation *NOT* a jolly sailing event so a load of Frogs can hop up and down the streets of Scotland stinking of garlic and wearing offensive berets during the hours of daylight. To make matters worse (history lesson approaching) Geldof is pictured in a rowing boat. Now, at the time of Dunkirk the British flotilla which set off to Dunkirk was referred to as the "little boats" because many of the volunteers that offered their vessels to help out were coastal fishing boats and the like. As far as I can tell no rowing boats were involved in the operation. After all, how many badly wounded servicemen can you fit in a rowing boat and still power the damned thing all the way to France and back - I bet the answer's "not many".
Still, what do you expect from a washed-up "pop star" who has a mortal fear of scissors and soap (maybe this accounts for the French connection!)
