The French ...

Is there any wonder we hate the French ?

By all accounts, French president Jacques Chirac has been having a pop at Britain during a meeting with Russian and German leaders.

He allegedly made a series of comments including : "The only thing they've ever done for European agriculture is mad cow" and "We can't trust people who have such bad food. After Finland, its the country with the worst food".

It seems Mr Chirac, like a lot of his countryfolk, is suffering from a very serious disease. It's called nevergetswashed-itis and is a side effect of the fact that French people use less soap then any other European country. The filth and grime from all the garlic-eating that goes on over there coats the skin and slowly poisons them as time wears on.

By all accounts, the only time they didn't suffer from this illness was in the mid-20th century when many of the French were suffering from a condition known as "collaboration" - an illness worse then nevergetswashed-itis which is preceeded by symptoms of "surrender-itis" and "running-away-like-a-garlic-swilling-bog-trotting-traitor-itis". The only known cure for these conditions is to blubber like a baby until the rest of the world comes to your aid, whereupon you tell anyone who'll listen who terrible the whole thing was and you only did what was necessary ... (please note, the above doesn *not* refer to those awfully good chaps from the French Resistance who, unlike the majority of their countryfolk puts their lives on the line for freedom rather then gorging themselves on rancid cheese and practicing the Goosestep in case of an extended stay by foreign invaders).