... not too far off according to this article from MSNBC. But I foresaw the big finish months ago (second article down) when Jeebus himself visitated me hisself in my bedroom - praise de lawd.
Oh yes unbelievers, the time is coming when the Earth will grind to a halt and all human life as we know it will cease to exist! Nostradamus saw it coming and left all the evidence in his writings, such that we could decipher it after the fact and then tell all our friends at cocktail parties what a top bloke he was, which is utter shite really - after all "there'll be a war in the 20th Century" isn't very specific is it ?
Let's be fair if he'd said "In September 1939 some Kraut with dodgy facial hair will create a massive hullaballoo in and around the area of Europe, resulting in a six year conflict, massive loss of life and the invention of a bouncing bomb" we'd all be utterly impressed, but muttering vague warnings about cataclysms and upheaveals is all a bit wanky really.
Nostrodamus aside (should we ever trust a man with only one name ? The last time it happened we nailed the poor bugger toa tree for telling everyone it would be good to be pleasant for a change) the Doomsday cults are making noises in all the right directions, which, to be fair, is always good for a laugh.
But they may have a point.. In a year when we seen tsunami's, earthquakes and massive hurricanes is it a coincidence that War of the Worlds gets a remake at the cinema or that a movie about a huge monkey terrorising New York sees the light of day??? I think not ...
The truth of the matter is ladies and gentleman, that Hollywood is our new Nostrodamus. Spielberg warned us of an impending alien invasion, George Romero's Land of the Dead was a timely clue relating to the forthcoming rising of the dead and Wallace and Gromit showed us that the only way to salvation was to put out trust in a plasticine man and his dog - all the signs are there, you just have to look to see them.
You may scoff and choose to believe in Jeebus Or Allan (praise be to his name) but I know where it's heading and what's going to happen. So, if you don't want to be part of the screaming hoarde pleading for forgiveness on Judgement Day there's only on ething to do - join me in my worship of the plasticine idol. You may mock now, but at 7:56pm on July 1st next year I'll be the one who's laughing hysterically from the modelling clay pulpit while you sinners burninate in the pits of hell.
Remember folks: the power of lager compels you! The power of lager compels you ...
(note to members of all dodgy non-Christian religions: Come and join the Jeebus-lovers, the hours are good, church is optional, there's no robes to wear and you can repent right at the last minute! Which is useful for those who keep putting off because there's always something more pressing to do)
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