A State of Emergency ...

has been called in the Crussell household following revelations that bird flu has now invaded France. The French immediately surrendered and are forming an interim government with the flu rather then fighting it off. A senior French official said that, effective immediately the French would be changing their country's flag to all white design with a white overlay of a white cross set against a background of two white arms raised high.

Here at Crussell towers I have instituted measures to ensure the dreaded avian flu doesn't take over. As of midday today I have declared the airspace around the property to be a no-fly zone and have hired militia with shoulder-mounted weapons (local 10-year olds with catapults) to shoot down any air-based creatures (including flying squirrels) and/or cartoon protesting, flag-burning loons (they're a minority you know ...).

I have also contacted the US President for support in this matter, a communique issued from the White House this morning said officially they couldn't support my cause but they'd send a crate of sub-machine guns by DHL and follow it up with a visit from CIA operatives disguised as the gasman. I shall, of course, accept the offer but intend to watch my own back for when they get fed up with my totalitarian rule and fund the family pets in an effort to create a coup, overthrow me and install a puppet feline government until they can dispatch suitable "advisors" to begin the take-over of my street (it may have already started - a man wearing a Haliburton cap called yesterday on the pretence of selling life insurance but I'm sure he was casing the joint for re-building contracts - it was the knowing wink to Mr Rash the black and white cat that gave it away ...

Fiends! Romans! Countrymen! The end of the world is nigh!!! (and so is the future of the traditional turkey dinner if this flu takes hold - who wants a chicken with a cold for lunch ?????)