Having "solved" the issues of terrorism, racism and loonism it's nice to see the government are finally turning their attentions to fat people. In an astonishing piece of fact gathering it turns out that the rotund among us now outnumber the starving which means one of two things:
1. Starvation levels are on the wane so we might get some more interesting adverts on the History Channel during the day
2. The world is full of lazy lardys.
I thought about this for all of three seconds and I reckon the answer is number two - don't you just love modern society??
Anyways, in an effort to look like they give a damn about anything, Mr Bliar and the fat bloke who pretends to be Deputy PM have appointed a Minister of Fitness - a move of pure genius!! Now we have someone who we can pay a ridiculous amount of money to who can tell us all we should look after ourselves and stop eating so many pies ... excellent work Mr B, what's in the pipeline next - a Minister for Stating the Bloody Obvious?? Actually, we seem to have a whole load of them ... but I digress.
In addition we're told we shouldn't treat the overweight with anything other then sympathy - after all it's not their fault is it poor dears? While I'm sure there is a percentage of the overweight who suffer from genuine ailments which cause their condition there are a lot of people who are fat because they eat too much and it IS their fault they take up two seats on the train and can't reach their smelley bits when they get washed, but as per usual Nanny Britain can't help but give us a tap on the wrists for pointing this out. We're also supposed to feel sorry for drug addicts - poor dears - who can't help being the way they are. All together now ... ahhhhhhhhh !!!!!
However if you drink or smoke you are obviously an Agent of Satan and have deviant fantasies involving strings of pork sausages. Smokers in particular are just a drain on Britain's resources and will lead to the economic downfall of our once sceptred isle leading to a state of anarchy and free communism for everyone.
You have to ask why this is the case don't you?
Actually, I've just had an idea ... if the government was to slice off 10% of the flesh of everyone declared overweight we should ship the result to areas of the world which are starving and kill two birds with one stone - thinner Brits and fatter starving folks. As I'm watching the History Channel there's bound to an endless string of Oxfam ads on - think I'll give them a call ...
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