September 2007 Archives

I always knew I was special, but not THIS special!! I logged into my Amazon.com account today to check out their new MP3 store and it seems I have been elevated to deity status by the lads and lassies from Seattle. Maybe I should prove it by turning CDs into wine, walking on popular music or bringing Britney's career back from the dead .. on second thoughts, I'll stick with the merely impossible ...

Right, I'm off to but video games now, if you're reading this Ell, the power of ... me ... compels me !! Hail Crussell!!

The more observant of you may have realised there's a new addition to this blog page. For the hard of thinking, it's waaay down on the right-hand side, under "Favourite Websites" and it's my ClustrMap. It records the geographic position of everyone who visits the site and plots it on a world map so I can see where visitors are coming from.

So I'd like to thank both of you for reading.

Actually, it's not quite that bad, in the week since I put it on there the viewing figures have swelled to at least ... six ... including a European and two mystery Americans - hoorah!!

So remember, Big Crussell is watching you, always ... and Alan from Minnesota, PUT THE KITCHEN KNIFE DOWN!! ...

The American Football season is in full effect and hoorah for the Interwebs which has cunningly saved my life. Given the relative lack of support for the sport in the UK there are only two options for watching the sport:

1. Watch Channel Five at stupid o'clock on a Monday evening and being unable to get up for work the following morning

2. Pay through the nose for Sky Sports and still be unable to enjoy the games because our Sky box has a tiny recording capacity.

Or ...

Thanks to the generosity and patience of a guy I know only as Kinison, I can download all of the Seattle Seahawks games and watch them on my laptop on teh way home from work.

I'm not saying I wouldn't pay to access the games, but right now the NFL haven't really embraced the possibilities of net downloads - surely it would serve them well to charge a couple of bucks to access the weekly games - especially for us foreigners who don't get Sunday afternoon and Monday evening games - I'd be happy to shell out for the ability to cheer the Seahawks on (and the Ravens and the Dolphins and ...) but I can't, so come on NFL get your act together!!

And in the meantime, go Hasselbeck go !!!!

The EU Justice and Security Commissioner, Franco Frattin, said in a recent interview that he intends to explore the possibilities of banning web searches for phrases like bomb, kill, genocide or terrorism.

Apparently this is an effort to stop those naughty (funda)mentalists from searching Google for instructions on how to kill people.

Frattini added would be no bar on opinion, analysis or historical information but operational instructions useful to terrorists should be blocked.

He said European legislation would spell out the principles of blocking access to bomb instructions. The details would be worked out by each EU country.

I for one think this is a BRILLIANT idea. For too long now ne'erdowells and miscreants have been abusing the internets do the detriment of all, and this magnificent plan will obviously save us all from being killed to bits by loons full of religion and wind.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now officially safe forever !!!

Except ...

Can you spot the hole in Mr Frattini's plan? hmmm? hmmm? can you? eh? go on! you know you want to!!

For the slow of wit, here's my take on it... We ban the loons from the the Internet but utterly fail to stop them from reading books, magazines, pamphlets and papers - obviously your average suicide bomber is above all that olde worlde reading malarkey and would never think to pick up a copy of Every Religious Moron's Big Book O'Bomb Making - that's too obvious, isn't it?

While they're at it, maybe Mr Frattini and his chums should ban the ACME corporation - an organisation well known for the provision of fast, furious and dangerous weapons to a certain well-known coyote and, perhaps, even Oscillator Bin Ladle himself ...

Over the weekend I watched a new British movie called the Zombie Diaries. On the whole it was underwhelming but hey! it's a zombie movie and I couldn't resist. Shot in the Blair Witch handycam style it's split into a number of "diary" entries from various people who get caught up in a zombie outbreak.

One thing really stands out too, and when it occured to me I checked back through my extensive DVD collection and came to the startling conclusion that no-one in a zombie has ever seen a zombie movie!! You'll never see a character in said undead feature say "It's just like a George Romero flick!" or "I know what to do, hit them in the head with a spade!" - it all seems so bloody obvious!!!

Another thing that never seems to happen; a character is in the woods, the undead rise from their unearthly grave, the character (usually a gurlie) screams and runs, pursued by the rising tide of evil, the gurlie starts to blub, possibly shouting for her boyfriend/friend/father then trips over a tree root. She can't get up quickly and the zombies approach moaning and shuffling forward. And all she can do is raise her hands and scream...

FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN CLIMB A SODDING TREE!!!! It was well known that zombie's are thick and never climb trees, all you have to do is shin up a Scot's Pine and you're sorted!! Guaranteed it would make for a boring film if all the survivors were up trees, shouting at one another through the branches but at least some goon with half his face hanging off wouldn't be gnawing your ankles off.

In short, if attacked by the undead, get up a tree or lamp post and stay there till the hillbillies with guns arrive - easy (if dull) ...

... but not in the way you might anticipate! Elly and I are back on the IVF trail with a new round of treatment and a whole new drug regime. The specialist has upped the daily dose of ovarian stimulants by 30-40% and with the attendant rise in costs it now means we're spending more on medication per day then I make for my eight hours of finger-breaking work. Which, in effect, makes me a drug addict even though I don't take them!

I've rolled up tenners and left them around the house, and left small packets of talc in the living room, even Mr Rash (the white and black cat) is flogging small blocks of cat poo wrapped in Rizlas to passers by. What is the world coming to??

btw, how much for a Henry?