Over the weekend I watched a new British movie called the Zombie Diaries. On the whole it was underwhelming but hey! it's a zombie movie and I couldn't resist. Shot in the Blair Witch handycam style it's split into a number of "diary" entries from various people who get caught up in a zombie outbreak.
One thing really stands out too, and when it occured to me I checked back through my extensive DVD collection and came to the startling conclusion that no-one in a zombie has ever seen a zombie movie!! You'll never see a character in said undead feature say "It's just like a George Romero flick!" or "I know what to do, hit them in the head with a spade!" - it all seems so bloody obvious!!!
Another thing that never seems to happen; a character is in the woods, the undead rise from their unearthly grave, the character (usually a gurlie) screams and runs, pursued by the rising tide of evil, the gurlie starts to blub, possibly shouting for her boyfriend/friend/father then trips over a tree root. She can't get up quickly and the zombies approach moaning and shuffling forward. And all she can do is raise her hands and scream...
FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN CLIMB A SODDING TREE!!!! It was well known that zombie's are thick and never climb trees, all you have to do is shin up a Scot's Pine and you're sorted!! Guaranteed it would make for a boring film if all the survivors were up trees, shouting at one another through the branches but at least some goon with half his face hanging off wouldn't be gnawing your ankles off.
In short, if attacked by the undead, get up a tree or lamp post and stay there till the hillbillies with guns arrive - easy (if dull) ...
