I'm back and I've just noticed it's been three months since my last post. My excuses are:- Been busy
- Been busier
- Been ill
So, the New Year's off to a flying start and it's time to launch a Keep Fit DVD. Everyone else is doing one; that bird off Eastenders, the woman out of popular beat combination Steps and that really good one from the dark-haired wossname who presents Big Boredom - every one a celebrity funfest.
So, Keep Fat with Crussell should be hitting the shelves soon!!! I filmed it myself, starred in it, wrote the theme tune and even put together a press release - and if this doesn't get your enthusiasm hormoes singing with delight, you must be DEAD!!
For Immediate Release
Keep Fat with Crussell (published by Crussell)
£599.95 (retail)
Fed up with watching TV fatties sweat themselves into a pulp? Sick of the lardy bird off Eastenders showing how she wasted away to a size 20? Then don't watch the TV ads for pointless weight loss videos that don't work - get Keep Fat with Crussell !!!!!
Featuring 60 minutes of top class, singalong Scandinavian Death Metal tunes join the funnest(*) exercise programme of the year. In just half a dozen simple steps you can exercise to your heart's content, just watch the pounds fall off .. your bank balance.
Routines include:
The Warm Up (featuring Grave Digger's Syphony of Death) - ease into the programme with a few arm extensions as you slip a jumper on after standing for too long in front of the fridge looking for that elusive bar of Toblerone
Sofa Crunches (featuring Cattle Decapitation's Human Jerky) - Reach and stretch for the TV remote as the realisation hits that there's bugger all on every channel even though satellite provides you with 600 of the buggers.
The Upper-Torso Recoil (featuring Zyklon's World ov Worms) - A full upper body crunch completed in rhythm to the actions of the ugly birds on BabeStation who look like they've been battered with a brick then chucked into an ill-fitting "fetish" outfit.
The Neck Revolve (featuring Gorgoroth's The Right of Infernal Invocation) - Tone those neck muscles by vomiting copiously into the lavatory after trying to drown out the BabeStation girls with too much cheap lager.
And many, many more !!!!!
So, don't delay, rush out quite slowly and steal a copy from a store near you TODAY!!!!!!!
(*)Bloody Americanisms ...
