It’s been a worry to Britain for a while – teen pregnancies are on the up.

So what do we do about it? There are two solutions currently on the table:

1. Greater exposure to condom ads – a great thing which, with the proper education, should help to reduce teen pregnancies and the spread of STDs

2. Advertising the murder of unwanted children.

Now, let’s get this straight, I’m very much in favour of potential parent’s right to choose and I’m fully aware and accept the need for abortions to be available as a last resort.

… but …

Abortion clinics, in my view, do not to be publicised in the way new suggestions recommend. They are a final resort and should only be recommended after proper medical consultation. What this new scheme smacks of is the McDonald’s approach to something which has far reaching implications:

Imagine the scene:
Clueless teenage girl: “One burger with fries please, with Coke”
Spotty Assistant : “Would you like us to rip your bloody, screaming bastard at the same time?”

Extreme? Probably so, sick? Also probably so, but the point needs to be made.

Increasing the exposure of abortion clinics will make them part of everyday life – in the same way that some argue violent video games desensitises the children who play them. It weaves them into the social fabric of everyday life and makes them an acceptable form of birth control – why bother to take care of your sexual health when you nip round the corner and let someone else take care of it.

And where will the buck stop? How long before TV prime time slots are filled with “Celebrity I’ve got a bastard, get it out of me!’” or Government spokespeople make headlines with shock tales of 1000% increases in abortions.

What’s really needed is education. Teens need to be told of the troubles, dangers and consequences of doing the sex, promoting condoms is a great start, promoting the equivalent of drive-through abortions isn’t.

The Bank of England have acknowledged receipt of my email. Of course, it’s a boilerplate response but maybe the Governor will personally look into the matter and offer me a deal..

More as it happens folks ….

We acknowledge receipt of your e-mail dated 18 March (our ref FF 22791).

We will reply in due course.

If you have any queries please contact the Bank's Public Information and Enquiries Group on xxx xxxx xxxx.

Public Information and Enquiries GroupBank of England

As reported in OK! magazine last week, Jade Goody died this morning. The editor must be shitting himself with relief.

If the tabloids had tried this they’d have been vilified, but a it’s a “magazine” it pretty much seems to have got away with it.

I always thought it was bad manners to claim someone was dead before their time, the epithet “F*** off and die” often being claimed to be in bad taste, but apparently the rules are different if you’re a celeb-goss-mag-innit.

You see, playing deadline (there’s irony for you) lotto means you have to decide in advance if some poor bugger is going to check out or not in good time for you to be “First for celebrity gossip” so it’s always handy to claim the woman is dead in advance, then you don’t have to worry about it for the next seven days. This morning for instance, the press are scrambling about trying to get the pre-prepped obituries ready to go but the editor of OK! is in bed with tea and toast as he had her pegged as deceased four days ago – result!

However, wiyh only one week’s worth of death pix left to print, OK! now have to put their thinking caps on and decide who to cash in on next – I suggest Joseph Fritzl as, after all, it’s not as though there needs to be any standards any more, does there?

The recession is biting hard, bills are on the up and up, employment rates are skyrocketing, it’s a dodgy time to be a British worker… I noticed recently, the Bank of England have been buying “toxic debt” and allowing quantitititittive easing .. or something. This being the case, I have, today written to the Governor of the Bank of England, asking for a license to print my own money.

I wonder what the response will be … ?

Dear Mr King,

I write to you as one of the millions of Britons who are currently
suffering as a result of what is being referred to as the “economic
downturn”.

As you well know, interest rates are at their lowest since records
began, which means any savings remain stagnant and in the hands of
bankers who seem all too able to misuse them. Household bills continue
to rise as does the cost of food, travel to work and many, many other
day-to-day expenses, all of which quickly whittle away my monthly
earnings. Even my home is no longer worth anywhere what it was two
years ago.

In short, things are pretty miserable and that’s why I am writing to you today.

I note that many financial institutions have applied for and been
granted huge sums of cash  to bail them out of a tricky situation,
indeed, even the Bank of England recently executed what I believe is
called “quantitiative easing”  to help the country out.

I am therefore writing to you to ask what requirements I need to meet
in order to carry out my own quantitative easing. I have a home
computer and good quality colour printer so I’m more than capable of
printing my own money in an effort to ease my financial woes. By my
reckoning I won’t need to print more than, say, £15,000 – £20,000 which
should tide me over until the end of the current recession. If you
would be so kind as to provide with me with a suitable set of serial
numbers I can get started printing tonight (of course, I promise I
won’t share them with anyone else as you wouldn’t want just anyone
printing off their own cash willy-nilly, that would be forgery – plain
and simple!) As a show of good faith I’ll also restrict my printing
efforts to £5 and £10 notes only as this will put more notes into
circulation – a move which I gather the Prime Minister is very keen on
- besides, it’s very tough to get change for a £50 at our corner shop -
the owner always treats them as if they are forgeries.

As an alternative, if the above is not feasible at short notice, I am
willing to sell you my toxic debt to cover the £15,000 – £20,000 I
need. If I add the debts for my dining room furniture, credit cards,
Littlewoods catalogue payments and sundry other overdrafts and bills, I
should have enough to cover all eventualities with a bit left over for
a new TV.

Obviously, I don’t expect to be given  the money for free and am happy
to enter into a contract with the Bank of England where the Bank will
become a part owner in me and will have some say in my financial future
- I have talked this over with my wife and she is happy to give away
part of her stake in me in return for your financial investment.
Additionally, she has prepared statements of future earnings which
predict I can be earning at least 1.5 times the minimum wage by this
time next year – and if that’s not an incentive to invest, I don’t know
what is!!!

I look forward to hearing from you soon, but if you could do so before
payday (March 27) I would be grateful as the gas bill goes out soon
after.

Kind Regards

C. Russell (Mr)
  

He’s at it AGAIN and AGAIN he gets away with it:

(News of the World)

A MUSLIM preacher falsely branded a shocked female radio presenter a
“prostitute” who “promoted paedophilia” on air.

The vile slur came as respected veteran broadcaster Petrie Hosken quizzed
Anjem Choudary on London’s LBC channel about his wild past as a drug-taking
student.

Choudary, 41, retorted: “When you were an undergraduate and you were promoting
paedophilia, do you think that was a good thing?”

He then accused her of being a prostitute before being cut off.

Dozens of listeners rang the station to voice their disgust at the Islamic
radical.

From The Sun:

HATE preacher Anjem Choudary yesterday said he wants Sharia law in Britain to
stop Britons “living like animals”.

Choudary, 41 — the man behind the vile Luton protests against our returning
troops — said anyone caught drunk should suffer 40 lashes and adulterers
should be stoned to death.

He said Brits “live like animals” with their “alcohol, gambling, prostitution
and pornography”.

He said his group’s ultimate aim was to “fly the flag of Allah above 10
Downing Street” and bring about “a pure Islamic State with Sharia Law in
Britain”.

But Choudary — right-hand man of exiled Omar Bakri — said he had every right
to stay here and is proud to be hated.

—–

Thank you Anjem Choudary for setting us all right on the important issues of the day. I think you’re absolutely right in everything you say. Democracy is obviously massively overrated and what this country needs is a proper dose of your way of life.

One where women are subjugated and treated like animals, where they can’t franternise with men and are forced to cover almost all parts of their body. One where the whip and the death sentence are accepted, stonings are permissable and where it’s an offence to display tomatoes and cucumbers too close together in case it looks a bit rude.

Yes, what we need is total subjugation to a religious system that has no merit, worth or value in the 21st Century.

However, it is his right to say these things as we live a in a democracy. What’s wrong by all accounts is for non-Muslims in the same democracy to question or critise his right to free speech and his views.

Cartoons of a ficticious religious leader? That’s a riot. Soldiers returning from a war – kindly accept this vicious demonstration.

I grow increasingly sick of having the views of sub-humans like Choundary shoved down my throat when I know that I’ll face castigation, bile and hatred if I dare to such as question what he says.

Apparently, this individual despises the British way of life and is intent on destroying it, but in the mean time he’s quite happy to take our benefits, our rights to free speech and our healthcare and we let him.

I have drafted the following open letter to Choudary :

Dear Religious Maniac,

If you don’t like it here, fuck off. I despise you and everything you stand for, the sight of your sickening face is offensive to decent, reasonable people everywhere. The best thing you can do is die, slowly and painfully.

… and that’s a fatwa right there folks, Bring it on.

As I write this, Prime Failure Gordon Brown is addressing the US Congress, according to the BBC’s live feed on events:

Mr Brown is getting into his stride now – he remembers the
attacks on the US of 11 September 2001 and says Britain will continue
to support the US in ensuring there is no “hiding place” for terrorists

Odd then, that a recent article from USA Today pointed to the fact that the CIA is currently helping to watch 4,000 “people” in the UK who are suspected of being terrorists or terrorist sympathers which, in fact, makes us an ideal hiding place for the scum of the Earth.

Another bald-faced lie from Brown, but then, why would we be surprised?