... and the purpose of your visit is?

It seems we have a bit of a problem with terrorism these days, particularly, with people entering the country for the express purpose of blowing bits of it up. While I realise that causing explosions is part and parcel of terrorism, I do regard it as being a bit below the belt when said terrorists come into Britain by stealth - really it's just not cricket.

It really is about time the government addressed the situation and sorted it out once and for all. Given that every plot against Britain has it's roots somewhere in Pakistan, I suggest creating a new set of documents for incoming Pakistani visitors - a terrorist visa.

It really would save time if you think about it, a few questions on a bright red piece of paper and prospective Jihadi's could walk right on through, leaving the Gurkhas  to be thrown out at Brown's convenience - after all they're only a bunch of bloody foreigners who fought (and in some cases) died and only want to leech from our benefits system - sponging bastards. Not like the lovely Muslim terrorists who deserve everything they demand because .. well ... they're Muslim and violent scum...

Anyways, inspired by the American green card visa system, here's some suggestions for the new form:

Terrorist Visa (c)HM Government, all rights given away at the first hint of trouble...

Q1. Are you a terrorist Y/N?

Q2. What is the nature of your Jihadi action (choose all that apply)
  * Violent demonstrations
  * Terrorist Training
  * Desire to bomb shopping centre/s
  * Other (please state in less than a million illiterate squiggles)

Q3. Who will you be staying with while you plot the downfall of the infidels?
  * With brothers dedicated to the cause
  * In a benefits-funded B&B
  * With family members who don't believe for a second that the time you went to Pakistan for "religious experiences" was actually spent in a secret camp firing AK47s at goats

Q4. How many virgins do you expect on successful completion of your mission ?
  * 74
  * 1
  * Allah be praised, don't give me an ugly camel..

Q5. If you get caught, how many times do you intend petitioning the Court of Human Rights during the time you're in prison?
  * 1
  * 534,565,982,882
  * I'm not a terrorist, I'm a victim of a hateful society that wants me dead because I tried to blow the fuckers up - I'm in fact a "student".

Of course, this is all a joke (before anyone tries blowing my house up). It would never be the case as we all know the British Government is too gutless to do anything about the terrorist situation because it involves; a) Muslims and b) People with guns.