It's a wake-up call to all of us...

I've been watching a lot of TV news recently and I've discovered that government and local councils have presented us with the ultimate "Get Out of Jail Free" card. In days of yore it was sufficient when getting caught for doing a bit iffy to tell the police and/or courts "I did it because I'm a drug addict".

Sadly, this excuse has now been wrecked by the likes of Docherty and Winehouse so it's become necessary to find a replacement. And the replacement is so simple it's genius.

Are you ready...?

Ok, say you've caught with a ton of crack in the boot of your pimped out Austin Allegro and your bitches are getting fractious, just tell the five-oh; "Well, I regard this arrest as a wake-up call" - UTTER GENIUS!!!

Using the phrase "It's a wake-up call" apparently means you can get away with a broad spectrum of ass-hattery ranging from letting  abused kids die without taking action right up to failing to properly equip troops you're busy sending to their deaths. And the best part is, not only is it an excuse, it's also negates any need to apologise - EVER!!

The scandal over MPs expenses was described as a wake-up call for political reform and, as expected, nothing happened as a result. Haringey Council promised their wake-up call in the wake of baby P's death would change things - no action there then and as for the scandal over troops body armour...

It seems to me that "wake-up call" is a euphemism for "doing fuck all".

So ne'er do wells of Britain, take note. If you get ins a spot with Customs, the Police or even Immigration, when you get to the point where you have to answer for your actions just tell anyone who'll listen there's a wake-up call in your immediate future. Promising some form of internal investigation or audit just adds to the believability of the situation, giving you time to make good your penalty-less escape.

Winner...